Doubts

 

Where do I go? A single question haunts me like a nightmare. I tried hard to wake up, yet will not until the morning comes. It would have been much easier, if I did not have any choices. I have been wondering; maybe life could be much easier also if I were admitted into an U.S uni; and if only I was admitted. However, I was not…

 

Never wanted to give up the hope that I may actually have the chance to go to U.S., so much hope that I put on the results of the waitlist admission. It was just kinda foolish; I always knew that I would not stand even a chance. This is just weird, but sometimes it was just this coward in me that sustain this faintest hope of mine.

 

Yes indeed, I was offered the opportunity to study at one of the top universities in the world. But gosh! Do I want to go to this school ruthlessly while putting the whole family of mine under this pressure?! Will I be able to take the responsibility and withstand the pressure?! I could have just stayed… and by staying there will be nothing for me to lose while nothing much to gain either…

 

There maybe two ways: one of my favourite schools, probably the best undergraduate education in the whole wide world; one of the most unquestionable path that one may follow, to stay, to settle, to find a life that is pacified… One of the most expensive education in the world, cannot imagine how am I going to pay for the fees; easiest way to carry out university education, scholarship, tuition grant, career opportunities readily available in the future… Two so distinct way that I may lead in the future; yet I’ll have to choose between one of these.

 

Do I leave, or do I stay? Leaving the place; it will be much more like leaving a life, a lifestyle, a long period of memory… Nonetheless if I stay, will I REGRET? Such ambivalence is driving me crazy… I just hope that I will see a lighted, guided path… If no one is bringing me a lantern, how can I see through the mist?!